Machete

"Machete" B+

I remember in 2007 when "Grindhouse" came out. It was the Robert Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino double feature that was an homage to the old 80s horror movies and cinema. It contained an 80s like horror movie and an old fashioned 80s action movie. It even included some fake commercials and fake movie trailers that added to the 80s feel and experience. I remember the fake trailers were my favorite part of this three and a half hour experience. The main favorite trailer being "Machete", the fake trailer that got the audiences wishing it was a real movie. The good news is, it was actually made into a movie and it was directed by Robert Rodriguez (Sin City, Desperado, Once Upon a Time in Mexico). He directs this the way he always directs his movies, non stop action with old fashioned one liners and some over the top scenes (in this case mainly having to do with Lindsay Lohan). The prologue starts out with Machete as a federale and trying to save a girl from Torrez (Steven Seagal in villain mode). He gets double crossed and his family is murdered by Torrez. After the flashy, awesome opening credits, we see Machete three years later as a laborer in Texas, where he gets another job offer, and another double cross. He is asked to assassinate the Senator (Robert DeNiro) who is trying to build a giant electric fence in order to keep immigrants out (I know, cartoonish). Basically, after that, it is all about revenge and Machete, while kicking major butt, manages to find time to get the girls. Jessica Alba is Jessica Alba in this movie, and Michelle Rodriguez has delivered her best performance in this movie as She'. Lindsay Lohan was out of place in this movie, but basically showed her true self I suppose. Steven Seagal was his usual tough guy, donning a Mexican accent and doing some cool fight scenes with Machete with a samarai sword. I guess he was busy working on this movie, since he was not in Stallone's The Expendables. The other supporting actors, Jeff Fahey (you might remember him from The Lawnmower Man) and Cheech Merin as Machete's brother who is a Priest. Everyone was good in this movie and the action just kept on coming. Warning though, this movie does not sugar coat anything, meaning, there are some of the goriest scenes. In one scene, let's just say you will never look at intestines the same way again. Overall, its a good old fashion man's action movie, and who knows, they might make sequels!